MEGAFORUM DAY!

The day of days. March 11th, 2009, will live on forever in the minds of those who took part in:

MEGAFORUMDAY.

2733 posts in a single day. Put that in your forum sig., Doomy…

It was in July 2008, that league-assistant of the time Bogdanleo came up with this excellent suggestion:

Bogdan’s Big Idea

The date of March 11th was chosen, for what would become an annual event. 9 months later, March 11th rolled round and MEGAFORUMDAY happened. And, fuck me, it was good. The entire VEEP entered into a day of celebration and joy, continuing for pretty much the full 24hrs, as Australians, New Zealanders, Americans, Canadians, Europeans and Karlos kept up a constant stream of megalolz. Even the normally hardcore rules about 3-word stories (BANNED), smilie wars (BANNED), and stupid fucking counting threads (BANNED) – put in place to ensure the league doesn’t go totally Bush League – were temporarily relaxed, as people had freedom to post till they dropped

Audub was heavily pressured by members of the community to provide some kind of round-up of the day, and boy did he deliver! See below, for a glimpse of his thread-by-thread breakdown of what happened…

(CLICK IT TO MAKE IT BIG!)

w00000000000t!

Audub smilers

They deserve their own post, right?

 

[Edit: well THAT went well.]

Greatest resignation letters ever..

Ordinarily we wouldn’t publish these, and the majority have been kept private. However, some things are literally just too awesome to let ethics get in the way of a good megalol. You’ll have to be in the VEEP to see the full selection, but here are the two most famous VEEP resignation letters…

• Angel88 – the legendary 1-rated former Indonesia boss. Be amazed.
  boss can u sack me!!!!!!!i don’t want follow yours league……..your league is very cheap..tx
• Buvavet – what a guy! – who had just joined and changed his team name to Russia.
  >Muskateer, 2008-03-13: Any chance of a team-name other than Russia? As I said in the other email, we already have a USSR.

  I can reject those Russian names and you can request new ones for whatever country you chose.

  Cheers

  Musk

  __________________>Buvaet, 2008-03-14: Then why do you allow Armenia & Latvia?

  __________________>Muskateer, 2008-03-14: A couple of reasons – partly that, rightly or wrongly, they are not synonymous with the USSR in the same way Russia is; but mainly because no one is bothered about those names, whereas someone is bothered about Russia. It’s no big deal, just change the name.

  Musk

  __________________>Buvaet, 2008-03-14: there you go, now inactivate me

  __________________>Muskateer, 2008-03-15: What? You want to be inactivated because you can’t call your team Russia..?

  __________________>Buvaet, 2008-03-16: personally i dont give a rats ass what my team is called. its just a double standard thats being applied to new members. Armenia & Latvia are allowed so by that logic Russia should be allowed.

  __________________>Muskateer, 2008-03-16: You don’t give a rats ass what your team is called, but you are still resigning because it can’t be called Russia?

  __________________>Buvaet, 2008-03-17: I’m glad to see that you know what double standard is. The same rule you applied to me now should apply to Armenia & Latvia managers and have them rename their teams.

  __________________>Muskateer, 2008-03-17: No it shouldn’t because, as I explained in the initial mail, Latvia and Armenia aren’t associated with the USSR in the same way Russia is, plus the USSR manager isn’t bothered about teams called Latvia and Armenia but was bothered about a team called Russia, hence my asking you to change it.

  So in summary, despite not caring what your team is called, you wish to leave the league you’ve just joined because you can’t call your team Russia, and because I won’t make Latvia and Armenia change their team names, yeah?

  __________________>Buvaet, 2008-03-18: Like my previous email said, DOUBLE STANDARD. If you’re not going to have them change their name, then just inactivate me because talking to you is like talking to a wall with no brain. Otherwise i’m just going to ruin this team and resign at season end.

  __________________>Muskateer, 2008-03-18: Awesome!

 

Muskateer: the wall with no brain…

Bishe the Boxfresh Horse!

Among the many things that make the BoxFresh unique is that we have our own horse. Bishe is the BoxFresh Horse, and this came about as a result of two polls, below.

The poll that started Bishe on the road to equestrian greatness!

Dissapointingly low vote for ‘Mare’. Tough times.

So anyway, with Bishe being people’s favourite type of horse, one thing led to another, and then…

The poll that actually made Bishe the BoxFresh Horse

As you can see, technically Bishe didn’t win the vote to become BoxFresh Horse. But by God he was good at it.

Having made the position of horse his own, despite not garnering that many votes, Bishe really grew into the role. His many equestrian exploits were covered in the USSR’s pressers (Bishe was the manager of the USSR), and he was able to expertly combine the role of horse with that of Minister for Cunt. This ministerial position was created especially for the man himself, and once again he was superb in it.

Bishe – we salute you.

Bishe’s brush with the law

During his time as BoxFresh Horse, Bishe had several run-ins with the law. Below are two pressers, first from Muskateer and then from Bishe, detailing just one such incident. Tough times.

• BoxFresh Horse Arrested
  A confused and distraught Bishe was taken into custody this morning, after being found galloping in someone else’s garden. The USSR boss claims he is not yet used to being a horse, and ‘didn’t know’ you were allowed to gallop wherever you liked.“I jumped in over the hedge because I was pretending like I was in a race – I didn’t do anything wrong or damage their flowerbeds, I really didn’t!” whinnied the distressed little horse.

  It is thought that, like Al Capone and the tax-irregularities, Police are grateful to be able to apprehend Bishe for this relatively minor offence, giving them the chance to pursue more serious alleged crimes. There are claims he has illegally ‘assumed responsibility of being the league’s Horse, without a fair and proper vote’ as he has taken on the position despite garnering less votes, in the poll to decide whether he should win the nomination as the BoxFresh’s horse, than ‘I can’t resist the pure ‘cunt’ option (below)’. Bishe received 15% of the vote, and in fact finished 3rd despite being the only real candidate. He insists that, as other poll-options such as ‘cunt’ couldn’t legitimately become horses in any official league capacity, he was right to selflessly devote himself to the equestrian role.This is not Bishe’s first brush with the law. His rap-sheet also contains ‘starting the Cold War’ and six counts of ‘Invading Cuba for shits & giggles’. Furthermore he was the Minister at the heart of the controversial ‘Cunts for Questions’ scandal which rocked the VEEP some months ago. Established idiot Buvavet joined the league and tried to change his team’s name to ‘Russia’, causing Bishe to question his right to be in the league at all. Buvavet was sacked, and Bishe himself later became ‘Minister for Cunt’ in the BoxFresh, causing some jealousy among other managers who do not hold ministerial positions within the league – and many people think the two scandals are directly related.

  A spokesperson for the Police force said: “We thought he was on some kind of hunger-strike, but it turns out he only eats carrots, apples, and sugar-lumps. He has risked the ire of some officers, by repeatedly – and I do mean repeatedly- telling them they take the ‘stabulary’ out of ‘Cuntstabulary’.”

• Bishe: Feds In Anti Horsecunt Scandal!
  Bishe, the newly appointed Boxfresh Horse, and Minister for Cunt finally broke free from the shackles of the western sponsored federal horse cathchers, and galloped home to Moscow, stopping briefly to speak to the worlds media. He said:” Its fucking wrong i tell ya! I was minding me own business, grazing free as i was created to do, my shiny coat glistening in the morning dew, my triumphant mane flowing in the cool easterly breeze, my breath drifting in clouds as it hit the cold morning air, and a massive pile shite behind me steaming as my tail raises to let it fall.

  Then this right fucking jumped up prick shouts, oi cunt! you’re nicked! And sedated me with a fuck off seringe thingy, well whatever was in it fucked me completety! I was transported back to the days when i was a my little pony, and was ponced about with by little girls in a fairytale garden.

  As i regained my senses, i was tethered to a post whilst some nonce in a girly wig read a list of charges against me!

  Cold war?
  Invasions?
  Being a Cunt?

  I knew i had to get away, or it was pedigree chum for Bishe the Cunthorse!

  So as they led me back to my shitty shed they called a stable, i seized my chance, i saw out of the corner of my eye that one of the Feds was none other that Olympic sprint ace Usain Bolt!

  Knowing that all western Feds are bent ganbling addicts i bet them that i could beat him in a sprint off, from my shed/stable to the exit gate.

  And so it came to pass, as i sprinted through the open gate to freedom leaving Usain Bolt in my dust, one of the Feds tried desperatly to close it, hence the famous saying, Shutting the gate after Bishe the Cunthorse has Bolted!!!!!

  See what i did there!!”

  In other news, USSR drew with Finland.

CAVIE’S IDEA!!!11!1!1oneoeneoen`

How Xpert frigging well SHOULD be.

Inspired by the mindless idiots who bleet on about shizzle in the Ideas & Suggestions forum, young Cavie produced an idealised view of what xpert should be like, and here’s what it is, ready:

 

This was accompanied with Cavie’s explanation for his clever ideas (note awesome use of ‘LMAO’ and similar..):

• There have been lots of suggestions for minor changes to the game which I think would improve the Xpert experience. I’ve done a quick mock up of what a team’s homepage could look like (although I’m not a graphic designer LMAO!)

  Several new features includes:

  1.Socks for added realism

  2.Select stadium

  3.Select picture of the team coach

  4. Select managers jacket and tracksuit bottoms

  5. No. of fans (this increases after every win or good performance but, beware, it GOES DOWN when your team losses ROFL!!!)

  6. Trophy cabinet with ‘polish trophies’ feature. The longer you’ve had a trophy the dirtier it gets so get ready with the Brasso LOL!

  My idea would be that these new features would only be available to hardcore Xpert players who buy their VIP in 12 month blocks.

Reaction to this brilliant concept (and he drew that flag onto the team coach himself, detail-fans!) included:

Not to be too critical, but it’s all froth really
Rosscoe tells it like it is.

I think quite a few of these ideas would be fun, the socks were my idea
Lees is keen to set the record straight. The socks, in case you were wondering, were actually originally his idea.

Team coach – pointless – doesn’t even merit an explanation, sorry. Polish trophy – not bad
Quinn16 is divided.

I just think that choice of manager outfit and team bus is going a bit far
Quinn16 again, defending himself after his earlier criticisms are shot down by ardent team-coach-idea fans… He’s been convinced of the merits of trophy-polishing, clearly.

as a manager i prefer to wear a suit rather than tracksuits. wuld that be an option
Jimbo can see potential.

My favourite has to be the socks (tights)
Wytses speaks for many of us, and gets this reply:

For once people seem to agree with one of my ideas!
Lees would very much like to stress that it was in fact he who first thought of the socks..

Word fail us at boxfreshveep.com. You just can’t buy that amount of lollz.

Reclaiming the VEEP website, part 1: Auvatar board

I can’t find a way to produce the MEGABOARD with 200 on or whatever it is, but here at least was the intial page:

 

Auvatars™: A History

It all started with a picture of Ryan Errey (seen below in fig.2, with his eyes censored for religious reasons), unquestionably the finest computer-generated hockey player the world has ever seen. Audub took the picture of his smiling face and put it on a magenta background (fig.1) and the rest, as they say, is history – as the saying goes.

 

 

• Conspiracy Theories Some people say it is Audub himself who features in the avatar. This is strenuously denied by the Norwegian logic-fiend but is, blatantly, true. Like Jesus and Shakespeare before him, Audub has tried unsuccessfully to hide his real identity behind a veil of secrecy and myth, but as Dan Brown has surely proved, the truth will out. If you’re bored and you see audy-boy posting in the main forums, why not pretend you think it is him in the picture, and ask him about it? He’ll love it.
• Early Evolutions The trend for modifying the original Audub Avatar™ is thought to have begun sometime in the mid-noughties by BoxFresh admin Muskateer, who was so enamoured by the transfer-hating Norway boss that he took his avatar, stretched it so the head look all big-chinned, and wrote ‘audub’ across the forehead (fig. 3). Swiftly other interpretations followed, such as Audub Reimagined As Being Across Between Hitler and Satan, an early Neowhite effort. Various VEEP members did Audy Warhol versions, such as Marilyn MonDub. Some bosses went for basic modifications of their own avatar, such as Bishe’s simple but effective Wub Dub, which is a small version of the orginial Audub Avatar™ superimposed onto the corner of the Wub; others went for something a little more subversive, such as Neowhite’s frankly alarming Dr. Audub; later, the requisite magenta background was added.
• Audub Avatars™ and Famous Art Soon more and more iconic images were pillaged for their potential as Audub Avatars™. VEEP admin Muskateer asked Gensey to design the fabulous Monalidub (fig. 4) – just look at her enigmatic smile! Both Bogdanleo and IntheGenese designed versions of The Scream and Jarv used a Genes-designed Van Dub Self-Portrait (fig. 5) – look at the paint marks on the face, taking the game up another level. Other notable pictures include Simon8298’s sexually-gratifying interpretation of Her Majesty and, of course, Sheepy’s Jedub (fig. 6) – considered by many to be the finest Audub Avatar™ ever produced (except by Audub, who stupidly thinks his own original is still the best, when it clearly isn’t). The beatific, benign, saintly, virtuous face of Our Lord is captured beautifully in Audub’s delicate features, and the whole world seems a better place when looking at the painting. Truly, a thing of beauty.
• Controversy in the Main Forums It hasn’t all been plain sailing in the history of Audub Avatars™. Two efforts from the House of Bogdan, featuring well known dictators Hitler and Stalin (fig. 7) – so often portrayed as the ‘bad guys’ by history – attracted the attentions of the xpert crew. One was replaced by the other, and then that too was deleted by the powers that be. Surviving for the duration of its use was the Iwe Audub Avatar™ (fig.8) – potentially risky as both Chrille and Bloc have been in trouble for using Iwe’s avatar in the past. This excellent bogdanleo effort is arguable the first post-modern auvatar™ (unless you describe them all as post-modern in which case it’s uber-post-post-modern or something) as it takes iconic xpert imagery and recontextualises it with Audub’s face in it, but keeping the original style. Cavie also does this with the You’re the Man(ager) Dub too, seen here in fig. 9. Awesome.

  Later on, long term friend of the BoxFresh Dr. Fucktard got very upset because Muskateer ‘kept changing his avatar and then came on the main forums posting for no reason to show all his friends his new one with some ‘hilarious’ forum signature to further draw attention to it’. Muskateer was very sorry, because upsetting Dr. Fucktard is the last thing he would ever want to do.

• Audub Avatars Go Meta-Post-Mega-Modern
  A final mention must go to Gensey’s audub smiley, fig. 10. It’s a frigging smiley – but it’s audub! Fuck! Look how the original audub half-smile is captured in this iconic icony icon. Soon this auvatar will be in use as an actual smiley on the message board – if that was any more meta-post-mega-modern I think my arse would fall off.

  Since then, over a hundred more have been added – click here to see the lot of them. Look out for Gensey’s Jokerdub, near the bottom – it’s terrifying.

New independent study confirms: Audub is an utter bellend

Professors Grønhaug and Øritsland

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Scientists at the International Øritsland Institute in Trondheim, Norway, have announced the results of a 2-year long investigation into the value of Audub, published in the journal Nature later this month. Professor Hans Grønhaug and Professor Lilly Øritsland explained their findings in a peer-review paper; their primary conclusion is that Audub has no value whatsoever.

“This is a two-year evaluation, and we have covered every avenue thoroughly,” reads their introduction. “We can find nothing good about audub – particularly since he started playing Tribal Wars. We would, in fact, go so far as to say he is a bellend. These findings are definitive.”

In a personal note to the Blogsfresh blog, Professor Øritsland said: “I heart the Xpert Dream of the Week page, which I’d forgotten about!!1!1″

 

Audub has nothing good left about him

Boxfresh TWAT audub is now all cunt, scientists have said, after monitoring his behaviour since he started playing fucking Tribal Wars.

The report, entitled: “What a nobber” cites audub’s redeeming features as having ‘receded’ in recent weeks, leaving him as a useless, steaming heap of shit. Here is a quote from the report:

There used to be things about him which were good; now there isn’t. He used to offset his being a cunt by sometimes being funny; now he contributes fuck-all and just says ‘tranquil’ all the time. He’s turned into a joyless, Flugel-esque mega-cocking heap of shit-AIDS. Thus:

This is a maths-related ‘heap’ joke. Do you like it? If so, kill yourself.

Former VEEP Tribe-Leader Muskateer was quoted as saying, “I wish I’d never seen the ad for that stupid fucking game.” As SoutbyNorth said, as unbelievable as it sounds it was actually better when he said all that shit about transfers all the time.

What a cunt.

Holy shit, it’s a Boxfresh Blog!

Welcome to the Blogsfresh. All I’m saying is, oh my God.

The Headlines

Worst game ever in forum
Who am I? sparks violent riots due to shitness

Stoatly’s Back!
Highly strung VEEP returnee already upset with Uncle Carl

Martin Bashir to interview Stoatly
Top TV Confessional host is told: “There’s three of us in this friendly tournament, Martin. Plus kids stay over, and that.”

Boxfresh VEEP Shoe Too Small For Use As Logo, Looks Shonky
“I’d be lying if I said I could be arsed to change it,” says the mystery VEEP blogger

Wayne says funniest ever thing on Xpert11
Maybe is there is a guy helping batman who likes pork and refuses to go in a car, then that guy would be MrCode = LOLZ!

Bring Back Goldie – Audub Organises Protest March for Disgraced Former VEEPer 

TROUT TROUT TROUT!

Boxfresh launches blog
Worldwide spaff counts soars as 40 managers ejaculate simultaneously; opportunists gather up spunk for later impregnation, evidence planting